Wednesday, March 22, 2023
December 2019: A Dream
Notes from Another 2017 Letter
Tuesday, March 21, 2023
Notes from a 2017 Letter
Saturday, March 4, 2023
Dead Dogs Grew Less So: February Poems
Any Uttered Word
Leaning to See
Stillness and Hunger
Not a Bad Life
Friday, February 24, 2023
Journal Fragment from June 2020
Thursday, February 23, 2023
Driving home the long way, something else Mahfouz said, I don't remember exactly, but it had to do with the heart and its secrets. I don't remember the context; I don't know if it fits here. It feels like it does. But I don't know.
Tuesday, February 21, 2023
Kisses: An Essay
Friday, February 17, 2023
Manifesto: Talking with the Holy Spirit
I like winter fires, don't make them as much as I used to. But still. Sometimes I drag a plastic lawn chair over; mostly I stand by the flames alone. It is what it is.
Taking my cue from Peter Maurin, I want to help create a world in which it is easier to do good and to be good, by supporting others in their (natural serious) happiness, e.g., they are safe from violence, they are fed, they have clean water, their work has meaning, there is time to play, they can see a doctor if/when they need to, they can go to a church of their choosing or no church, and so on.I want to know the world as a village and everyone I meet as a sister or brother doing their utmost to remember - with me, for me, through me - our shared Creation in Love, by which Love we are all of us sustained.In order to live in that way, my mind has to heal. Here, I take my cue from A Course in Miracles. I need to see reality as God creates it, not as I in my separated state would prefer it. This means discerning between what is true and what is false; it means becoming responsible for projection and denial; and it means valuing according to love and not fear.I want us each to be the other's savior.
What you are describing takes work, hard work. Work that requires discipline and willingness. That requires faith, goes on in the face of not-knowing, goes on in the space of un-knowing even. You have to be strong and humble; you have to give everything away; you have to give away your identity, you have to give away even your right to an identity. It's hard to understand let alone apply. There are lots of ways to fail, lots of ways to go astray, lots of ways to quit. Almost everybody does.
Stillness and peace are effects of remembering oneness with our Creator, by knowing ourselves as an extension of that Creator. This means - among other things - accepting that only loving thoughts are true and that there are only loving thoughts - that everything else is an illusion.
Love holds everything. You either know this or you don't. Either way, you can't fake it.
All fires are altars, all flames a grail. I hold my hands up to the starry sky; smoke trails through my fingers. "Love holds everything."
When we accept that Love holds everything, then we know Love's effects in our life; in that way, Love becomes the foundation and the light; it becomes the word. It becomes us. On that day, Love is all that we bring forth because there is nothing but Love to bring forth.
I want to remember that there are no favorites anywhere, that God knows one creation, not many. Therefore, there are neither enemies nor competitors. A holy relationship is any relationship which recognizes the other's fundamental equality because it shares that equality, because it is that equality.What do I want?
I want you to transform my confused mind, turn it into a prism unto the light of Love, so that all it brings forth is whatever is most good for all Creation, so that all it wants is to bring that goodness forth.
Teach me to remember what I am; let me be the light by which I remember that the only peace is the peace I bring forth in, with and through you.
Wednesday, February 15, 2023
A Reading Note
It is possible this was supposed to be here but I confuse easily between my various writing projects, including the ones that I am not doing publicly, so . . . Offered here, just in case.
I wrote it a couple weekends ago when I was half-assedly listening to kirtan and somehow ended up reading the psalms and got that feeling one gets from time to time when reading the bible - where the fuck has this been all my life?
The intensity has since receded but the point stands. The psalmists were doing familiar work; they were trying to reach us; we gain nothing - and possibly lose a great deal - by pretending otherwise.
Tuesday, February 14, 2023
30 May 2020 Journal Entry
The sense of caring and importance runs very deep in the conditioning and is not easily seen through or set aside. Even seekers who are familiar with the concept that 'none of this matters' will be brought up short by this idea that even 'awakening' is part of the script for the dream character in which it occurs, and is of no significance. "Do you really mean to say that the total Understanding is only part of the dream?" Indeed yes, even the occurrence of this realization is an event in the dream, part of the unfolding of the dream, and nothing has happened (254).
I am at the beginning again. Again.
Thursday, February 9, 2023
February 15 2020 Journal Fragments
And was then jerked crudely awake by Chrisoula cursing in the kitchen downstairs. Midnight, a little after, the neighbors racing ATVs, the roaring keeping Finnie awake.
Wednesday, February 1, 2023
Everything went Under: January Poems
The Butterfly Conservatory
A Little Dance
A Study of Agony
Feeding not Eating
Flurry by Flurry
Saturday, January 28, 2023
Birthday Notes 2023
Saturday, January 14, 2023
Letter to Ron Atkinson
You are gone. I knew that you were gone, but I did not know when you left. My attempts to find you over the years were insufficiently calibrated. I could have found you. That I did not is one of my life's deep regrets.
This letter is in part an apology. And in part, it is a note of gratitude.
Ron I'm sorry that my efforts to connect with you while you were alive did not lead to a meeting. They could have, and they did not. I think you would tell me "so it goes," and you would be right, but also, I would have enjoyed talking to you. I thought about you and your poetry a lot in my life. I have not connected well with my teachers in this life. Late - and possibly too late, truth be told - I feel it as a real loss.
You were kin to me; I knew this early, even if I lacked the words to say it.
It was hard to believe this world was real; my hunger for it was instantly legendary.