Friday, May 6, 2022

Gone Before Anybody Noticed

In March, when snow fell, the trees were lace-covered, lovely. What does it mean to value a diamond? In the distance crows, and in the crows more distance.
Twenty some odd years after the wedding we agree we are not really the marrying type, which keeps us laughing for days. Something about when you were a child. Nobody looked closely at what was rising out of the brook, I was gone before anybody noticed, was marked and returned, and never felt the same about family again.
Icarus lands, he’s an addict now, he’s got liver cancer now, he’s got no place to go where they have to take him in. All the times my path crossed Jack Gilbert’s, somehow helping me sustain a critical honesty. This lack without which I would not be whole.
Mud season, lambing moon, dreams of an ancient Easter. Trying to tell a new story and failing. Never underestimate the value of amends.
In a dream I was a woman and I woke happier than I'd ever been, all the aches my body carries briefly disappeared. Let us reflect on Necker cubes. The priests in my early twenties who prayed for me, and for whose prayers I longed. 
The doctor says quietly it’s time to rethink caffeine and for once in my life I don’t instantly render a dramatic performance about how I’d rather die than go without coffee. I saw flamingoes once, didn’t really appreciate it, wish I could go back and see them again. Shadows gliding along the floor and walls of the cell.
Apparently it’s okay to move to Vermont, live on a hill, star-gaze and pray, until the body lays down. Hendrix at Monterey, complex griefs that remain in my mind for days after.

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