Moving Quickly through Winter

Clouds moving quickly through winter skies. Is there, in fact, a better way? All those years wanting to pray, not knowing I was praying, and now there is only this emptiness. Asking Jesus why God made me this way, Jesus responding gently, “Sean that’s a non sequitur and you know it.” Imagine being the child adults are scared of and not knowing why. You have to understand, the man in the long black coat is real, I have been out where he stands waiting, have both chased him away and begged him to take me. A memory of laughter under the silver crescent moon. Falling off the high wire on which two wordy crows touch mouths. Sugaring season has passed, hot air balloons are next. We really were ruined by screens. Listen, something in the oxen made me sad, and being close to what made me sad made me feel like something somewhere was righting itself, so I spent a couple years around oxen and the men who raised them. Fixing flat tires at dusk, the kids watching, bored. What do you lack and other awful questions I spent a lifetime forcing myself to answer.